Sunday, April 13, 2014

Cursing and welcoming

It was probably end of the first year of my undergrad. One early morning, ​I​ had​ read an article in a local daily. It spoke of the infectiousness of the grief and the enjoyment of wallowing in misery with melody. The melody of grief is like an invisible penetrable heavy rock. Sometimes, I pierce my heart with it.​

Pain has a melody. Mind turns slow and heart heavy. Heavy with a hundred pounds. Probably, these melodies and tales rest at the bottom of soul. Yes, because always at the bottom lie solitude and darkness. 

The pain has dug a tunnel in the heart and I walk all alone in it. Examining in silence, I marvel at the texture of its walls. Portraits of passed moments of sheer joy and of sheer dismay lay hanging here. I avoid the bright textures and stare at the gloomy dark ones. Probably, I never looked at them carefully. I was always in haste. Oh God! Always in hurry. The dark dingy walls of the tunnel covered with cobwebs have something written over them. It seems there is a poem. I think a poet had come here before. A poet of beauty.

The feet gripped to the floor now hardly moves with hard efforts. No one knows the other end of the tunnel. Probably, there is no other end. The journey here is like being with you and sitting there at the old coffee house. I keep walking and astonish myself at the stretch of the dark dingy walls. My beloved, I think you were here. The melodies of grief sound like rustling of your ear-jingles. The poems are written about your gaze when I kissed you on forehead. My dreams said you closed your eyes then. I can't believe.

The dark dingy walls of dead end tunnel have hypnotized countless souls. Some of my friends say a passage to some other world through these walls is there. I sit by these dingy walls to elude myself for some mystery to happen. My friend also said there is a point of no return in this tunnel. If I cross that point, I'll not be able to return back. I suspect my friend doesn't want me to meet you, my beloved. I guess it would be you at the other end.  

I keep walking into it. To look for the unexplored and unknown. I curse you and in the same breathe welcome you.

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